A Good Enough Mother

There is a scrapbook layout at the end of this post. Promise. Two of them even.

Over the years, I have read countless articles about the state of feminism, women in the work place, women  at home, women balancing work and home. I guess I read all those articles because pretty much my entire adult life has been spent married, working, and parenting. So, you know, they were articles that were related to me.

I also liked to read all those articles, because they allowed me to feel a little smug. All those articles often mentioned how even though women were earning more, and working more, they were still taking on more of the parenting and housework responsibilities. And, I was able to read those articles, smile, and say, "I don't fit into that category."

Because from the moment we were married, Dave has done the cooking. Sure, over the years, I eventually learned to fill in when he couldn't make dinner, or days where it just made sense for me to do it. But most of the time, I just come to  the table. I, in turn, have cleaned up Dave's messes, which have been  many. And just as I have learned to cook over the years, he has learned to clean up after himself a little better.

And, on the first night home from the hospital, with a scrawny, screaming, baby Max I really wanted to be the perfect, all knowing, ever calm, mother to soothe my crying newborn. But, while I knew that childbirth would be painful, I didn't know that for a good long while after childbirth, you still feel like you were hit by a truck, and kicked in the nuts, even though you don't have any nuts. Oh, and it turns out, I didn't really know what I was doing. And, I later learned, that even when you do know what you are doing, babies still cry, and sometimes that crying will make you wish that you were hit by a truck so that you can just lie in bed and recover. So, on that first night, after I fed Max, and changed him, and walked back and forth, and back and forth, and back and forth,  and he still didn't stay asleep when I put him down, and everything hurt, Dave said, "You go to bed, I'll take over."  I felt like a failure, but I also didn't think I could stand up for one more second. I even apologized to Dave for being a bad mother, and that he had to get up in the middle of the night. And, he said, "I'm pretty sure I'm also responsible for taking care of him."

So on that night, though I didn't want to, I handed over my baby to his father, and I had to admit, that I was not the all knowing, ever calm, soothing mother. And that was the best thing I have ever done. I certainly have spent plenty of time in the last 15 years feeling guilty for my mothering skills, but I can also admit, that I am not as bad at it as I sometimes think. More importantly, I don't  have to be the perfect, because there is someone else to pick up my slack.  I'm pretty sure my kids are better off for it.

And, as promised, there is a layout to go with this:

In my 15 years as a parent, and slightly fewer years as a preschool teacher (during which all different kinds of families have walked through my classroom doors), I have come to appreciate that being a mother doesn't mean always being the one to provide care, comfort, and stability for children, but to help make sure that they are being cared for and comforted by someone who loves them. It could be a grandparent, sibling, nanny, partner...any combination of loving adult humans can work.

Which reminds me of this layout that I made last year:

And Then They Left For Camp

This is the first time, both Max and Sam have left home for summer camp. There was definitely a time when I would have slobbered at this opportunity for peace and quiet and alone time with Dave. It is nice, to be sure, but we had such a nice time together in the month of July, that I wasn't desperate for them to leave. But, leave they did.

First Max :

He had a few days with my parents before he went to camp in Israel. He was well fed during those 2 and a half days.

Then Sam:

So, it's been quiet and clean (I do like the clean) around here. It seems that everyone is having a good time, but I, for one, am ready for everyone to be back together under one roof.

What We've Been Doing This Summer

Well, first, I can tell you what I haven't been doing, and that is blogging. 

So let's go back to June and July. For the first time, I think ever, neither Max nor Sam was signed up for camp until the end of July. And there were no trips or special events to break up the time until their respective camps started. 

So I needed a plan to keep these guys busy. I came up with a little schedule, for which I was greatly mocked at first, but it came in quite handy when summer finally rolled around. Pretty soon, they were saying things like, "Wait, is today a neighborhood walk day?"

We didn't follow this schedule too closely, but it made sure that we always had a project planned or somewhere to go. It was quite pleasant, actually.

We walked to Williamsburg: 

Took some photos:

Visited the City Reliquary:

We discovered a really cool community garden:

We baked:

And we made some cool projects:

There was also lots of time spent watching TV, swimming, getting ready for camp, and just doing nothing. It already seems like a long time ago. 

Write.Click.Scrapbook. August Layout

Here she is:

The theme this month is "go-to" designs. This grid, with 3 pictures, and one square for journaling and embellishment is something that I use over and over again. I have yet to see it fail. Another little item that I am using on layout after layout nowadays, is this Ali Edwards brush set. Usually I use them on my photos, but here I even used it on the journaling card.

I have found that in these lazy summer days, I am reusing designs over and over again. Sometimes, I think reusing designs is just working smart. Why reinvent the wheel every time? Lately, I've been doing so just because I have been in the awful state of the "creative rut." Ugh. But the repetition keeps me going, keeps me from getting too stuck, and it makes sure that the rut doesn't turn into days and weeks and months of non-creating. That would, like, totally bum me out, dude.

Sneak Time

Here it is, Write.Click.Scrapbooks's August sneak peek. 

My scrappy mo-jo is a little slo-jo these days, but I like the way this came out. I can't wait to share the rest on August 1st!

Max

A little while ago, Sam had Color War at school. At dinner, he talked about how his team lost, but he didn't think the the teams were judged fairly. He wasn't upset, he was just mentioning a fact. Max said, and I quote, "I should have been the judge, because then everyone would lose."

Max, by nature, enjoys pointing out the negative in things. This used to bother me terribly, and I used to give him such a hard time about it. And then one day, I decided to stop nagging him. Mostly because it  felt like the majority of our interactions were negative, and that is not how it's supposed to be. And, because each time he made a comment, I made a big deal about it, I think he just started saying things out of habit. Breaking that cycle, has changed the general tenor in our family. I think we all get along better and laugh more easily. Now, his negativity, or realism, (depending on one's point of view) is something that we joke about all the time, and most importantly he can laugh at himself about it. It's who he is. Sure, sometimes it gets in his way, but we all have personality traits that do that. He's smart. He's funny. And he is kind when it counts.

On our  Mother's Day excursion to Central Park, I snapped this photo on my phone. Sam was excitedly watching a leech squirm around on a rock, and Max stood over him telling him all the reasons it was probably not a leech. I love the way his body language captures his attitude, and Sam's captures his as well. Namely, that he liked this little creature anyway, whatever it may be.

I asked Max if it bothered him if I scrapped this photo, and we talked about why I thought it is a significant snapshot. He was not bothered in the least. After all, he was simply being realistic. Who ever heard of leeches in New York City?

Fast forward to Memorial Day, when Max was away for part of the weekend. However, my nephew, who is Max's age was with us, and we spent some time outside walking around. Different teenager, same attitude. It was quite funny, really. So, maybe it's not all personality. Perhaps it's the age, or perhaps it's the role of being a big brother. (My nephew is also the oldest in his family.)

I have had this blog post sitting here for a while, but I worried that it was a bit negative. In reading it over, it doesn't feel that way to me. And since starting this post, I also made this layout, also about Memorial Day Weekend, and it leaves things on an even more positive note.

July Gallery Time

I am not one of those people who listens to music all the time. I have a tendency to listen to the same music over and over, and I have trouble finding new music I like. And then one day, a coworker played this song by, They Might Be Giants. And I fell in love with it right away. It's a romantic little ditty about New York City, and since that is where we have built our life, it spoke to me. And, scrapbooker that I am, I knew right away that I wanted to use the song for a scrapbook page. 

As I was working on the page,  I realized that it fits perfectly for Write.Click.Scapbook's July gallery theme, "Top Ten." I have gathered ten images here that capture a little of the grit, the landscape, and our life here in the city. 

I had one little issue in making this layout, which was the fact that I couldn't find any photos of me and my husband together in the city. The best I could do was some silly Photoshop work, perching me on his shoulder. See?

Once I realized we were sorely lacking in the couples photo category, I started to get to work on rectifying the situation. 

Stay cool, people. Stay cool.